August 20, 2009

Secrets of an American Twenty-Something

I saw these on Facebook yesterday and even received an email about it, but its true laugh-out-loud, hits-close-to-home qualities did not reveal themselves to me until Mrs. Newlywed blogged about a similar list. (Mine's missing a few, I think...you'll have to take a peek at her blog too.)

You've got to take a look - if only to reassure me that I'm not the only person who relates to these! They're long but worth it...and I've included a few comments because you know I can't help myself!

Random Thoughts from the 25- to 35-year-old Crowd:

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me. (A terrible habit but it's so easy to slip into!)

-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. (Ahh yes. I think B can actually see that realization come across my face...it's the worst.)

-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed tobe going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in thedirection from which you came, you have to first do something likecheck your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter toyourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

-That's enough, Nickelback. (It's been enough since 2002, actually. So let's put a lid on it, shall we?)

-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn'twork? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we allknow how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft. (I've never been a Nintendo girl, but the concept is so true.)

-There is a great need for sarcasm font.

-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the crap was going on when I first saw it. (Dirty Dancing, anyone? I definitely thought Penny had stomach cancer...)

-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

-How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (I just put it directly on the bed. The ones in the linen closet can stay, um, arranged as they are.)

-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

-I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text. (I don't text & drive, but I'm all about the lip gloss.)

-LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

-Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

-Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart."

-How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? (Twice?)

-Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies."

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

-While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.

-MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

-Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

-I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. (That's one way to wake up - with a faceful of frigid water!)

-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty; you can wear them forever.

-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. (Who disagrees with this?!)

-Bad decisions make good stories. (Story of my life...a series of awkward actions capped off with a tumble of some sort.)

-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! (I'm not going to lie; I enjoy the occasional Facebook stalk myself!)

-Is it just me or do high school girls get skankier & skankier every year? (Yes! Yes! I shouldn't be able to see cheek if I'm behind you in line at the movie theater, random thirteen-year-old with your DAD.)

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to goaround and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. (Do you say yes and save whatever changes you may have made? Or say no and remember one millisecond later that you had in fact edited it pretty heavily?)

-"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?' (I pass the remote. Too much pressure.)

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?) but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times andgoes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? (Passive-aggressive, perhaps?)

-I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. (I had a terrible hair day last week when I had to help interview several intern candidates. The next day I was home sick; Blue and I got to admire my fabulously bouncy locks all day. Ridiculous waste.)

-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. (I think I'm just too picky...you have to be if you're weeding out your own favorite choices.)

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

-As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it. (Call me clueless, but I'm not ashamed of this one.)

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their carkeys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com andthe link takes me to a video instead of text. (Why do they put video in their top headlines anyhow?)

1 comment:

Fisher Family said...

Ha! I loved that list. So many of those rang true to me. I got so tired of the spelling-over-the-phone bit, that I printed out the 'phonetic alphabet' and keep it by my phone here at work. Nerdy, perhaps, but helpfulon those calls where you have to spell things out!

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