Aruba, Jamaica, I think you know the words

It's a bajillion degrees outside and Bradley made us some delicious pina coladas over the weekend to give me a mini-vacation. (Or maybe just because they taste so fabulous.) As a result, my train of thought is permanently located in the Caribbean.

We're hoping to go to another all-inclusive resort in early (January/February) 2009 and, as my summer vacation fund was swallowed along with various laundry items by a certain chocolate lab, I'm looking forward to it already. Bradley and I have been to Aruba, Jamaica and Puerto Rico together. Where should we go next year?

Have you stayed in any fabulous (and non-celebrity-priced) all-inclusive resorts? Heard of any? Just want to do some web browsing to take a mental vacation as well?

I'd love to hear your suggestions...honeymoons, spring breaks, lucky-girl get-aways. I'll take any input y'all can give me. Play me some steel drum music, hand me a daquiri and let me browse Expedia.com for the next eight months...

Skills for Women: What Each of Us Should Know

Let's make a list of things every woman should know how, or learn, to do. I'm not saying we can do all of these things, just that it's a great jumping-off point for a fabulous life. Below are my first thoughts - add yours!!

Every woman should know:
1. How to entertain herself for a day.
2. A quick, tasty recipe to quell the panic of an unexpected guest.
3. The basics of another language. Please, thank you, help, dessert.
4. How to sew on a button.
5. When someone is lying to her.
6. When and how to ask for a raise.
7. How to change a tire. (Or find her way to a good mechanic.)
8. Her own opinion about politics.
9. When it's worth fighting for and when it's time to walk away.
10. The importance of voting.
11. The titles of three books that matter. (To her.)
12. How to give sound advice. And accept it when it's given.
13. That dessert tastes better without guilt.
14. An activity that makes her happy and gets her blood flowing.
15. What unconditional love means.
16. How to set a real table.
17. The basics of football.
18. The names of the secretary of state, a good tailor, a thorough doctor and a favorite friend.
19. How to say "no" gracefully but firmly.
20. How much an unexpected note can mean.
21. How to fall in love without losing herself.
22. When to shake hands and how. (Firmly!)
23. To lock her doors and exercise caution - but live unafraid.
24. How she feels about having kids.
25. How to quit a job, end a relationship or confront someone without falling to pieces.
26. That you can't change your height, your imperfect childhood or your crazy family.
27. Not to apologize when it's not your fault.
28. What she needs to get through a terrible week.
29. That she's worth it, whatever "it" is.
30. How to truly forgive others, and particularly herself.

(My inspiration: 75 Skills for Men)

Photo Voices

I use a lot of words. Regularly. In fact, I'd hazard a guess that I can't fully experience something or understand it until I've shared it with someone else. (We'll save the "power to name is the power to know" communications theory discussion for another day...)

One segment of our community whose voices I've never really heard is the homeless population. My dad sent me the link to his foundation's blog for a little more insight into Columbia's Photo Voices project. I love the idea and wish we could emulate it here in the Upstate. Take a look - I'd love your thoughts!

http://www.communitydiaries.org/sc/columbia/

On a separate note, I read once that Midlands leaders were discussing the idea of each church or charity in the city sponsoring a single homeless person or family. I imagine that would have a real impact, particularly since I've learned recently (through the above-linked blog) that homelessness is typically a temporary state for families. It feels like we always imagine that homelessness is a permanent situation for people - perhaps that's why everyone seems to powerless to change things.

If understanding is the first step, this Photo Voices project should surely get us a lot closer.

Just so you know

I couldn't effortlessly say "World War Two" until I was about 15. At 26, I still struggle with "rural" - being from 'round these parts, that's a relatively important word. Maybe by 30 it'll have a little more distinction and won't sound so much like "rurr."

Reminds me of a 30 Rock episode where they couldn't determine the name of a movie based on hearing its title. Turned out to be "The Rural Juror." I felt very validated.

Embracing Your Inner So-and-So

In our small group last night, adorable Ashley talked about letting go of a self-imposed boycott and embracing her inner hug addict. So if you're in her sight and she's so much as laid eyes on you before, you're likely going to be the lucky recipient of a little affection from this gal.

What's the harm in that, you ask? I wonder if we don't each have a lifelong battle with our inner whatever-the-case-may-be. I consider myself to be a closeted dork, a fully-grown but still-awkward accident-prone gal, and a far-from-secret chatterbox.

In my mind, the problem only develops when I fight my basic nature. (For me in particulatr, that'd be my awkward and nervous chatting.) My friend Marianne and I have termed this sort of situation a "boulder" problem.

Bradley once remarked that he watches me get nervous in the same way that he'd watch a rock rolling down a steep hill. Once it gets started, there's very little he can do to slow it down, much less stop it. For me, that nervousness is manifested entirely in rambling. I'll chatter nervously, feel as if I've said something a hair too awkward and then keep going so that last silly remark isn't the very last thing hanging in the air.

Can you picture poor Bradley slowly backing out of a room as I'm doing this and hoping I'll soon follow suit? Because if he's around, that's what happens. Every single time. He can see it happening, and I can absolutely feel the boulder start rolling at a break-neck speed, but I can't seem to put on the brakes. If only my rambling was as endearing a habit as Ashley's inner hugging instinct.

My friend Stephanie once told me to worry a lot less about my chatty nature, that it was part of my charm and what put people at ease around me. (Coming from the woman who offered me my dream internship only to have it accepted with a speech about how her phone conversation was as ambigious and misleading as a Bachelor-style break-up/proposal...well, it means a lot. We may have to discuss that timeless conversation on another day.)

True or a bit biased, Steph's sweet comment has stuck with me. And it has talked me down after many a "boulder situation" post-mortem has left me worried that half of Greenville thinks I'm off my rocker.

In high school I handled this anxiety by incessantly flipping, twisting or just plain playing with my hair. You'd be hard-pressed to have caught me in a room full of people with my hands in my lap, that's for sure.

All of this to say (who knew I'd digress?!) -- what is your inner so-and-so? Do you struggle to quell a particular habit, a trait that makes you feel like every eye in the room is on you?

And may I say that, if you do, I'm dying to know what it is. I find all of you as charming and precious as can be and only wish I could be more like you... I relate entirely to the saying "I love you down to your last freckle," because I do. If only we could all be so forgiving of ourselves!

Ashley, next time you see me - hug away! For the rest of you, come out of the closet already and let me hear about your boulder...

Everyday I Love Yous

My parents' thirtieth wedding anniversary is two weeks from today, and I'm more appreciative now than ever of the wonderful marriage they have. What a gift it has been never to wonder if they were happy, if they were together, if "forever" could really work. This Dear Abby column made me think of them. You know I love a good sappy story, so keep 'em coming! (My silent I love yous are listed in the previous post. Nothing better than a happy dog, a thoughtful husband, a hot dinner and some delicious coconut beverages!)

EVERYDAY KINDNESS IS SECRET OF MARRIAGES FULL OF ROMANCE
Dear Abby,I would like to respond to "Kelly in Austin" (March 24), who wondered if there were more than two men who excel at romance.

Abby, my husband has given me a total of four pieces of jewelry throughout our 13-year relationship. However, he has given me many intangibles that mean far more.

I have a best friend I can talk to and trust. I have a lover who cares for me and my needs. I have a husband who believes in and abides by the vows we took on our wedding day. I have a provider who works hard to assure my financial stability, not just for today, but also for the future.

My children have a father who loves them and makes sure they know it through his words and actions. And I have a partner for life who does "romantic" things like changing diapers, rocking babies, washing dishes and holding my hand.

In generations past, men were expected to be strong, gentle and responsible. I thank God that my husband has chosen to be that kind of man.
-- Beloved

Dear Beloved,
You are a lucky woman who married a real gem. A life partner with attributes like your husband's is a jewel more precious than any stone that nature could create. Read on:

Dear Abby,My husband and I have been married 15 years, and my heart still skips a beat when I see him. We have a little piece of paper with I LOVE YOU written on it, and we take turns hiding it somewhere for each other to find. It shows up in my wallet, in the book I'm reading, in the laundry. It never fails to brighten my day, and it costs us not one cent.

He brings me coffee in the morning and a cup of tea at night. He'll surprise me with a candy bar or a cookie when I'm feeling down. Expensive jewelry isn't what makes a romance -- it's my darling taking a moment to let me know he's thinking of me.
-- Tina in Virginia

Dear Abby,
When my fiance and I first got together, he told me that he didn't celebrate Valentine's Day. He claimed that he "did his thing" all year -- and it's true. He leaves cards in my book bag scented with his cologne and sings to me on my voicemail at work on dreary Monday mornings. He writes me poems and buys me spontaneous gifts. No jewelry commercials can compete with a gift from the heart.
-- Swept Off My Feet in Memphis

Dear Abby,I have been happily married for more than 10 years, and it hasn't been because of diamonds, flowers or trips to bed-and-breakfasts. We're happy because we laugh together, because we like each other, and because he was considerate enough to buy me a hands-free cell phone device to use while driving back and forth between our home and my father's.

It's because he knows what scent of candle to buy me from a kid's fundraiser and because he thought I needed a new lunch box for work and got me one.

This is real life. Diamond commercials on the television are not.
-- Rita in Pennsylvania

Dear Abby,
My parents have been married 45 years, and the most romantic gesture I ever saw took place about 10 years ago. One day, while she was digging in the garden, I saw my dad standing there, hovering over her with a can of wasp spray, ready to blast any potential threat into eternity if it got near Mom. Now that's better than a diamond any day.
-- Sam in Illinois

Man-Made (Better) Monday

My Monday in a nutshell:
1. Got Blue fed and antibiotic-ed up, headed off to work
2. Picked up rental car, headed to Atlanta
3. Three interstates and two-ish hours later, I'm there for a three-hour meeting
4. Back on the highway, took a little detour during some crazy construction
5. Return my rental car at 5:30, thoroughly exhausted. (How is that sitting still for a few hours can wipe a girl out so much? I could never commute any farther than I already do...)
6. The drive back to our house seemed slow as all get out and I was a little cranky...so I stopped by Target for some essentials (and some not-so-essentials)
7. Said pit-stop made me 20 minutes later than I'd said I'd be home, so I called B to let him know I was ok. (Fully expecting that he hadn't noticed.) He was worried, glad to hear from me, and a bit uneasy with the role reversal of waiting on me to get home for once. Cuteness.
7. Got home to find a happy Bradley, a newly suture-free Blue, dinner cooking, a pitcher of pina coladas, a clean kitchen and a big hug.

Wow. The crankiness evaporated immediately. Got lots of fabulous sleep knowing that Blue's (practically) all better, and now I'm ready for a fantastic Tuesday. Wishing the same for you ladies.

Bradley needs to get home early more often - I love it!!

Happy June, y'all!